Wallflower

He holds my hands

And hugs me when I'm scared

He's telling it'll be alright

He makes me laugh all the time

He tells me his secrets

I tell him mine

He teaches me things

He explains to me the things people hide

He’s the last person

I’m thinking of before I fall asleep

He snores, I know

He doesn't care

He never judges

Always taking people for who they are

He’s no saint

He tries to live guilt-free

We’re soul mates

Nothing else

It’s not love we feel

Just a common bond

He made me bloom

His little wallflower

Picture by : Royston Toh

Streets of Gold

We walk on streets of gold

Our heels clicking on the cobbled sidewalk

Clutching our branded goodies

Picking our way down the road

We think we know where we're headed

We believe our future is just that

But we forget

We were meant for something more

There’s got to be

More then sipping coffee in the morn

Scrambling around to fulfill our overlord's desires

There’s got to be more then that

Fate and destiny

Can’t fight if

You choose differently

You and I, we've bigger things ahead

The sky's the only limit

And we have streetlights

When nights fall

So what are you afraid of?

Drop your baggage and walk with me

Picture by : Royston Toh

music

the music keeps playing

i was wrong

you knew how to whisper sweet nothings

must be some sort of genetic code

like

all boys will know how to
promise empty promises and whisper sweet nothings
in a girl's ear

you lick my ear

and ask me

how did that feel

i can only nod

words can't come out

my mind's a blank

you chuckle at the sounds i make

i feel my face turn red

i know i'm the only one affected here

our bodies pressed up against each other

only i can't get enough of you

you're just on for the fun

hips grinding

teeth knocking

you see the stars before i do

sometimes

i don't at all

but you just smirk and say good, wasn't it?

you get up

and pull up your pants

tugging at the waistbands

i just lie there

wondering why i put myself through it

got to be cause i'm in love with you

i tell you that

and you laugh

you know what we got is nothing, right?

you go back to her

and i to him

we have nothing in common anyway

and the music keeps playing

Picture By : Royston Toh

Something Old, Something New

i would very much like

to be proposed with

a lily-cut diamond

thus, fulfilling "something old"

i don't wish to

have a dinner in a stuff old restaurant

where we scream "ganbei" at the top of our lungs

completing the statement with "something new"

and i take you, to be mine,
in good times, and in bad,
in sickness, and health,
for as long as i shall live

and i believe it will end as so.

Picture By : Royston Toh

Never Ending II

We always fought, mainly, me picking on you. Finding faults when there were none. I suppose I was pushing my luck, testing how far I could go. I suppose I was trying to see how much of bullshit you could take before you said “Enough!” and walk out of my life. I guess I didn’t think I deserved anything good happen to me. But you never gave up. Every time I pushed you away, you’d come back, saying you’re sorry when I should be the one to apologize. You took in everything I threw at you and kept coming back.

Picture By : Royston Toh

Never Ending I

I remember falling in love with you. I remember your lips, your black mysterious eyes, and your hair that could never stay down. Your hands were rough from gripping those steel bars. Your voice that was husky, yet not low. I remember how you hugged me so tightly, as I cried my heart out. You never said anything to comfort me. You just held me as I cried. I remember your crooked smile and your perfect, straight teeth. I remember how you never promised me the world. You brought it to me, without me asking. I remember everything about you.

Mind-Fucking

When do you know it's time to stop

Where exactly should you say enough

Time keeps going - it doesn't stop for you to make a decision

Yes or no makes a world of difference

I feel like curling up under the covers

Hiding away from the world

Ignoring everything

And everything ignoring me

But that is just not possible is it?

I’m having a migraine

Just thinking about us

Funny how all the good things gets wiped out

Just cause of one bad thing

But

How do you define a bad thing in the first place?

Especially if the said deed is within those obscure grey places?

Right now

I’d give anything to see into the future

Then maybe I’d know what to do

Or maybe not

Apt title don't you think?

If you can understand what I’m rambling about.

Under the Disco Ball

The music was pounding 

My heart beat along with it 

The bodies grinding 

Hands feeling, stench of sweat high in the air 

 You were dead drunk 

Face red, speech blurred 

You were dead drunk 

I tried to tell myself that, couldn’t survive if I didn’t 

 I watched that girl 

She held onto you 

I watched you 

You remembered nothing of empty promises 

 She sees me staring 

Smirks - knowing, understanding 

She wasn’t me 

And I, was nothing she’d ever want to be 

 You look up 

Smile at me 

You called out to me 

I turned away – refusing to be made a fool of 

 I walk, hurried, ran 

Out, need to get out 

Pushed against the sweaty bodies 

I couldn’t breathe – felt like drowning, perhaps I was dying 

 She leaves 

No fun now, no play 

She turns away 

Leaving you to clean up with chocolates, roses, empty promises 

 You arrive 

Wine, teddy bear, diamonds 

I open the doors again 

Believing the lies you tell me – wouldn’t live if I didn’t 

 Tonight 

The music will pound again

Glass Heart

“It’s broken,” she said it simply, emotionlessly. Her long legs folded beneath the skirt of her torn dress. The cerulean color set off her brilliant azure eyes. Her gold ringlets, which lay in disarray, hung half-way down her back. Her tiny, gentle hands were bruised and bloodied. Still, she did not hesitate. Grasping the broken shards which lay on the marble floor, she moved them around, sliding them up and down; trying to piece them back together.

“What is it?” I asked, my hushed voice breaking the deafening silence. She looked up and gazed deeply into my eyes with her glittering cobalt ones, dotted with sapphire specks. For a moment, I felt as if time had stopped, leaving me and her trapped in its abyss. “Don’t you know?” she asked in her faint voice, detachedly. Dropping her gaze, her bleeding hands continued to slide the shattered pieces around. Warm, crimson blood smeared the marble floor, her hands shook with every movement.

“Don’t!” agony and confusion pierced through my voice, “Don’t,” I croaked. Grief coursed through me, as my legs unable to stand no longer, gave out under me. She looked up at me once more, startling me with her wet eyes and trails of tears slipping down her alabaster face. “I can’t fix it,” she choked out, panic and fear clinging to every word spilt from her full, coral lips. “It’s okay. It’s alright,” I pulled her towards me, holding her thin body, trying to believe my own words. Wet, salty droplets fell from our eyes as we sat there hugging each other, giving each other strength and assurance.

************************************************************************

The blood I saw from the last time no longer sullied the beautiful marble floor. She wore the same dress from the last time, but no longer torn. Her golden ringlets, however, still lay in disarray on her back. Her hands, healing, held scars and scabs from the cuts. The broken shards were blunt and less threatening and her eyes held a different light, more optimistic from the last time. The broken pieces were half-fixed; parts unable to be mended scattered around.

“I’m not sure how to fix the rest,” she grins sheepishly. I laughed, loud and unrestrained, happiness bubbling out from me, “It’s alright, take your time.” She looked at me, assessing me, as if she was trying to figure out if I truly meant what I had said. Then she beamed, “Okay.” Relief streamed into my body, my eyes filled up with tears as hope saturated my being. “We’ll fix it,” I smiled a watery smile at her. Her fragile fingers brushed my tears away as she nodded. “What is it?” I asked once more. Her mouth dropped open. “You’re kidding, right?” she tittered nervously. I frowned, bewilderment filled me. She smiled wryly and shook her head. “You’ll see,” she said mysteriously, “You’ll see.”

************************************************************************

Her hair no longer in tangles, her hands no longer held those horrifying scars. Glass shards no longer covered the cool, stone floor. In its place lay an exquisite mirror that no words could ever describe the fullness of its beauty. “It’s done,” she let loose an excited laugh. “We managed to fix it after all!” Exhilaration reverberated in her voice. I giggled, echoing her enthusiasm.

Despite everything, confusion nagged within me. “You haven’t answered me, actually. What is it?” I gazed deep into her eyes, mystified by the magnificent mirror. She stared at me, gaping; stunned. “Don’t you know?” her jaw seemed to be incapable of closing. Silently, she took my hand and led me to the mirror, “What do you see?” she asked gently. I gasped, my hand reached out to touch the image before me, an image of me, smiling with the color high in my cheeks. “Me,” I breathe out, “Me!” I giggled delightfully.

She nodded, her curls bouncing in the light, “It’s us, just as we should be. When he left us, we didn’t think we could survive. But as time passed, we stood up again.” She smiled, “Love can tear you apart, but it also put you back together.”

Because when love breaks, love also heals.

Infatuation

He looks at me with eyes filled with infatuation

Just a little push

It can be turned into love

Oh, I’m so tempted

He’d be sweet

And good for my broken soul

For once I’d be able to speak my mind

For I won’t feel afraid

All we’d do are sunset walks

Holding hands

Whispering sweet nothings

He’s only thirteen

I can’t do that to him

For I look at him

With infatuation filled in my eyes as well

He knows it

As do I

Love’s too quick to say

Infatuation’s all there is

But I guess that’s just another one of those heart-stopping crushes for you

What would everyone say?

I’d be shunned I guess

Everyone would be stunned

But that’s just me I guess

Centre of attention

Stealing everyone’s breaths

My heart’s pumping

Even as I say this

It’s thumping

Like it’s going to pop right out of my chest

But I guess that’s just another one of those heart-stopping crushes for you

He messes up my head

I wonder if I do that to him as well

He takes my breath away

I can’t help but smile for the rest of the day

For once I’m jumping out of bed once more

For once I’m ready by seven o’ clock

I can’t wait to get to school

I start humming senseless love songs under my breath

But I guess that’s just another one of those heart-stopping crushes for you

And I can’t help but

To fall freely for him

He looks away when I look at him

But he’s drawn to me, I know that

I look at him with questions in my eyes

Wondering if we’d be able to make this strange love

Or perhaps we wouldn’t stand a chance at all

After all, he’s only thirteen

And I am, unfortunately, sixteen

But I guess that’s just another one of those heart-stopping crushes for you

Old Flames and Passionate Nights Series

The Beginning of The End

“What happens if I leave and you’re wrong?” you glared at me, voice loud, making me cringe. I stood there stunned. Never once have you ever dare to raise your voice at me. Defensive, I crossed my arms. “I don’t care. Go on then, leave,” my voice challenging, refusing to believe that you’d actually leave me.

“Fine!” you said your tone straining against your anger. Turning around, you walked away, away from me and out of my life. Hurt and disbelief echoed within me. They quickly turned into anger. “Fine!” I screamed at your receding back, “Fine! Leave! Just leave!” I turned and ran, as far as I could from the place. Wanting and wishing with all my heart that it was just a nightmare; that it did not happened. But you did not see. You were too busy leaving me.

Days passed, turning into months and finally into years. Each day I wondered what would have happened, had I ran after you. I wondered if we would still be together, if we could be that couple I saw just the other day, happily shopping for groceries. I never had the courage to face up to it. You were the one for me and there could be no other. No one else could be as giving to my unreasonable ways as you. I never dared to pick up the phone to dial your number. The number you left on my table, asking me to call you, asking if we could talk.

It’s too late for regrets now.

It was another day at work. Despite a university education, I had opened a bar, much to my parents’ horror. ‘Old Flames’, I had christened it. You brought her in, the perfect girl, who would make you happy, who would complete your life. Glancing up, I didn’t see you at first, not till it was too late to run. “Oh… hey…” shock and disbelief clear on your face. My heart stopped. I couldn’t believe it. “Hey…” I managed, looking into your eyes, the eyes I remembered so clearly.

“Dan, what’s taking you so long?” she came up beside you, her eyes curiously darting from me to you.

“Erm… Trina, this is Abriella, from my secondary school and junior college,” you gave yourself a mental shake, gesturing to me.

“Hi,” she said far too brightly, “I’m Dan’s girlfriend. Pleased to meet you,”

I glanced at you before smiling slightly at her, “Hi,” I nodded, “So… what can I get for you guys?”

“Umm… well… what do you recommend?” she asked, in a sugary sweet way. Funny. I never thought you’d fall for this kind.

“For starters, you might like to try the ‘Fire’s Spit’. It’s easy on the alcohol. But if you’re looking for something hard, you could try the ‘Burn’. However, if you’re feeling really daring, you might want to try one of our house specials, ‘Passion’.” I rattled off without thinking much.

I remembered how we only had eyes for each other. Was it the same now?

“Oh… Well… I suppose I’ll have the ‘Fire’s Spit’ then,” she said, oblivious to the electricity that passed between us. The memories rooted us to the spot, “What about you Dan?” she looked up at you with adoring eyes. It was clear to any passer-by that she was deeply in love with you. As you should have been with her.

“Umm… Yeah,” you cleared your throat, “I’ll take you up on your house special,” you stared deep into my eyes, challenging me, daring me to speak out.

Lucky for you, I took the challenge, “Daring aren’t we? Or do we just need some liquid courage tonight?” I raised an eyebrow. Turning to your girlfriend, I smirked, full of spite for her, “He’s always like that. Always trying to prove himself; always trying to impress people. Unfortunately for him, it never worked for me. I simply couldn’t be bothered,” I glanced at you, as I dumped two inches of crushed ice and added strawberry syrup into the cocktail shaker.

“Yeah, well, you were always hard to get,” you shrugged, smiling genially. Your girlfriend looked lost, caught in-between an ex-lovers’ fight.

I smiled, pouring Captain Morgan spiced rum, Wild Turkey bourbon whiskey and strawberry liquor. I shook the cocktail shaker hard, before pouring it into a martini glass and serve it to her.

“How’d you end up here? I thought you wanted to do you PhD in biochemical?” you asked, trying hard to make a conversation.

“Well,” I started as I rinsed the shaker before ending another two inches of ice, “I guess I got tired of that dream,” I measured a shot of Tabasco sauce with Jones Soda Berry Lemonade and Blue Curacao liquor. I added Barcardi 151 rum to give an extra hit.

“Why? I thought it was your childhood dream?” your voice reflected your shock and concern.

“People change,” I answered simply as I jiggled the shaker once more. I poured the transparent blue liquid out. It reminded me of the non-luminous flame from the old chemistry lab. I threw in a cherry for presentation’s sake and served it. Watching carefully, I gazed at the both of them. “How do you find it?” my eyebrow raised.

“I love mine,” your girlfriend nodded at me, “You can’t really taste the alcohol, so its really light,” her eyes sparkled.

“Mine’s really strong. You weren’t kidding when you said it was daring,” you grimaced as the liquid went down your throat. I smirked.

“Well, I guess we’d better go now,” you said as you took out three 10-dollar notes and put it on the table, “Is that enough?” you asked.

“Yeah, I guess I’ll see you guys around then. Come again and I’ll give you one on the house,” I winked.

The both of you were roaring with laughter as you left the bar, like the perfect couple you should be.

Picture by : Royston Toh

Bedroom Amour

Your lips on my skin

Bringing my to ecstasy

Don’t mess with me

If this is just a fling

Get out of my bed

And out of the door

My heart’s laid open for you

It’s bleeding now

And you’re not stopping it

The wheels have start turning

Take responsibility

Don’t leave me

My world’s gone topsy-turvy

Take hold of me

Don’t go without me

Head pounding

Blood rushing

You and me, skin touching

The moonlight seeps through

You embrace me

And I hold on tight

Time’s no bother

We’ve got all night

But that’s too short

The wheels have start turning

Take responsibility

Don’t leave me

My world’s gone topsy-turvy

Take hold of me

Don’t go without me

Picture by : Royston Toh

The Forgotten Monsters in the Closet

There was a story once told

Of faeries and bluebirds

With sunshine and rainbows in the air

But they didn’t tell you

About the witches and crows

And the thunderstorms that came before

Neither did they warn you

About the dragons and lizards

Hiding in caves

Nor about the monsters

And gloomy forests

Lying in wait for their next victim

I bet they didn’t tell you

About the troll that lived under the bridge

Bidding his time for you to come along

Did they forewarn about

The bandits on top of the mountains

Waiting for you to pass by

Or the ghouls in the graveyard

Watching you shake

As you enter through the creaking gates

Can you hear the hyenas laughing

And the wolves howling

When the moon is full

Do you see the dirt crumbling

And that green hand stretching out

Or that limping figure in the distance

Bet you didn’t know

Bet they didn’t tell you

Bet they were waiting for you to fall

And they said

There was a story once told

Of faeries and bluebirds

With sunshine and rainbows in the air

Picture by : Priscillia Vivienne Toh

Reluctant Lover

I twist and turn

Moving along the beat

You hang onto me - trying to make me stop

I shrug your hand off

And kept on turning

“Why?” you had asked

We walked down the pavement

Stopping at McDonald’s

Getting ice-cream

“Which flavor do you like?” I asked

Chocolate.

So I bought two vanillas for us

I stared into space

Music pounding in my ears

You said something

I pointed to my ear buds

Your face twists-

You walked off before I could ask “What?”

We said on the cold, hard floor

Back against back

Staring up at the sky

This was the end of the line – I felt it

But you didn’t let go

“Let’s try again.”

I didn’t understand –

Couldn’t

My head hurts from trying

“Let’s stop here,” I said

No, you told me, we need to keep going

And you half-dragged, half-carried me along

“Enough!” I shouted in your face

“I hate you!”

You just looked at me-

Your eyes emotionless

I have enough love for us both, you whispered

Into my hair, me in your arms

Why, you begged, won’t you love me?

I stared into your eyes

And shrugged

Something’s are simply not meant to be, I told you

You stood there stunned

Nodding your head – Okay, I give up, you win

I watched you walking away

I remembered everything you did and said

You said you had enough love for both of us

I thought for a minute - thinking, debating

Surely, you’d come back

You didn’t

I couldn’t turn anymore

I couldn’t twist

I felt like I was drowning

And there was no one to help me

Enough, I said

Time to go home now

I ran after you

Emotionless, senseless

What, you asked, do you want?

Your voice ice-cold

You, I said

You crushed me in your arms

My reluctant lover

You called me

I tried to smile – it looked like a grimace

You laughed

Smug and confident

Your arm around me tight

Picture by : Royston Toh

Santa's Promise

December 2008

It was long past Christmas. For the second year in a row, I lay in bed, curled tightly into a ball. My tears were still flowing. I was surprised I had any left. My eyes felt swollen as I looked up at the clock beside my bed. The hands showed a bright 4.56am. I buried her face in my pillow as a fresh bout of tears came once more, wracking my entire body. I bit my lip to stop the sobbing from slipping past my lips. I had dreamt of him again. The memories I kept locked up during the day ran amok at night. I could not stop them from reminding me how pathetic I was, how lonely I felt. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping for the feeling to fade. I still did not have the courage to delete his sms-es yet. I hugged myself tight, trying to erase everything from my mind. In the distant, I thought I heard sleigh bells ringing. It was probably a figment of my imagination, but still, I looked up to the purple sky anyway.

“Santa,” I whispered, as the tears continued to pour down my cheeks, “Please. I don’t want to feel this way next year. Next year, I don’t need any expensive gift. All I want is to smile again, because I think I’ve forgotten how,” I sobbed, my shoulders shuddering once more and the tears streamed down my face, like a never ending flow…

January 2009

I smiled and tried to look confident, pretending not to feel the panic welling up within me as I search fruitlessly for my classmates. “Over here!” a loud shrill, yet familiar voice caught my attention. I felt my knees go weak with relief as I walked over to the memorable face. I plastered a grin on my face. It felt wrong somehow, like it didn’t fit. I felt safe now that I was surrounded by the well-known faces. Against my will, my eyes were drawn to him. My mouth went dry and my heart gave a painful twist as I watched him walked past me like he didn’t care. Quickly, I averted my eyes and pretended to be immersed in my friends’ conversation. I didn’t want to care.

March 2009

I became a cougar. Exhilaration rushed through me. I felt like I could do anything. But, it was not meant to be. Still, it helped erase some of the pain that gave me sleepless nights. I slept fitfully now, the first in many months. It was a small step, but a step nonetheless. I decided to push how far I could go. I pressed that delete button that I had dared not dare to do months before. I closed my eyes and waited with bated breath for regret and pain to wash through me. They did not come. I couldn’t stop the grin from spreading on my face. It was a small victory.

June 2009

I met a new guy. Okay… I’ve known him for quite awhile now. But this was the first time we had ever really talked. Usually we’d only talk about school things and homework. Now we’ve progressed to a place where we could enjoy each other’s company. I found him to be a great friend. One who understood and could sympathize in my plight. I didn’t have to say it out loud, but he knew. Somehow, we forged an unlikely connection.

September 2009

“Well…maybe I do like you,” I grinned, knowing full well my face was red. He grinned back at me, “Well…maybe I like you too.” We sat there staring at each other for a moment before bursting out laughing.

December 2009

I had long forgotten my wish. Christmas came and went. Santa remembered. He taught me to smile again. I stared out at the inky black sky and once again thought I heard sleigh bells ringing. I grinned. Something I had once thought I forgotten how to do. “Thanks Santa,” I murmured sleepily, with that silly grin still stuck on my face, “Thanks for your brilliant Christmas gift this year.”

1 January 2010

Today’s the New Year. The night before was spent together with him. We didn’t go to any fancy parties or took part in any countdowns. We just spent it like we always did. Together. Poking fun at each other, laughing at each other’s inane jokes and yet reveling in its magic. A New Year resolution? Stick together with this guy for awhile. He may not be the world’s perfect guy, but he loves me despite my silliness.

Picture by : Royston Toh

Travelouge of a Daydreamer

My dream

Is to travel the world

Visit the seven wonders

With you by my side

We’ll go to Japan

Come spring

With snow melting and flowers blooming

And you and I will sit on the porch and sip miso soup

We’ll fly to France

Once it’s summer

So we can still wear t-shirt and jeans

And it won’t be hot

We’ll travel to UK

In the autumn

And see the stone hedges

Ancient castles and curious lochs

We’ll sail to Russia

Once it turns grey

And see how the snow

Will cover the Tsar’s palace

And once we’ve seen enough

Come January

We’ll go home

Wherever we make it be

Picture by : Royston Toh

8 March 2010

I scrolled through my documents, relishing the moments, enjoying and discovering my new desktop. One particular document caught my mind. That one story I had written for you just last year. Me, so silly and foolish, so caught up in the moment. And you, only god know what you were thinking. Wave after wave of memories wash through me. The past year had been eventful.

We met, one afternoon. I was keeping to myself, only talking to the cross-country runners, as I knew them from before. You were laughing with your track-and-field teammates. We barely knew each other. We spoke, only because of a chance given by fate. Honestly, if it weren’t for fate, I wouldn’t be this happy now. Honestly, if it wasn’t for you, I would most probably be alone now.

“I need to leave early on Wednesday,” I told my physics teacher, CCA teacher-in-charge, and above all, my friend.

“Why?”

“Church. It’s Ash Wednesday,” I told him, with a don’t-you-know tone.

You cut in, “Why don’t you going in the morning?”

I glanced at you, “My friends are all going in the evening, plus, morning mass starts at 5.30am. I’ll die.”

“C’mon, go with me and Michael, it’ll be fine. Then we can go to school together after that. School starts late anyway,” you badgered.

I bit my lip. You were cute. That was all. Nothing else. But, me, being so caught up in the moment, agreed. It was an impulse, and a foolish one. But if it weren’t for that one foolish impulse, I wouldn’t be so contented right now.

You and I fell for each other from the start. Yet, we weren’t meant to be. Your heart wasn’t loyal, wasn’t true. You weren’t what I wanted. I was left once again alone, and betrayed. Looking back, I’m glad you did that. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have found what I was really looking for. Where there are endings, there will be beginnings.

Thanks to you I made new friends within your group, especially with two certain boys. Or rather two, very gallant young men. They knew, what you did to me. They knew how hurt I was, even though I tried hard to cover it up. And one of them began to touch my heart.

It was a chance that fate gave; a beginning for an ending. He and I started out as mere friends, where he would ask me for help with Literature and such. We would hang out, go for movies and basically be friends. I don’t know when it happened, but it did. Suddenly, everything thing changed. Something happened, and I realized I was slowly falling for this person. My feelings reciprocated.

On 6th September 2009, it happened. Nothing asked, nothing said. We just got together, our quiet, little romance. We have ups-and-downs like any couple would, but otherwise fine. It is like we are made for each other. Where I am rash, he slows me down. Where he is planned, I am spontaneous. Like ying-and-yang, we matched each other in every way. So honestly, I have you to thank. If it weren’t for you and what you did, I would most probably still moping somewhere else now, getting hurt all over again. So even though what yoœu did to me was somewhat unforgivable, thank you. Because it was what you did that help me find such happiness today.

Picture By : Royston Toh

8 March 2009

I looked at the clock. Its glow-in-the-dark numbers showed a glaring 11.45pm. "Shit! We’ve got school tomorrow!" My voice scratchy from tiredness, "Die man!" I hear your soft laughter on the other end, stifled so that your parents won’t hear. I hear my soft giggle echoing along repressed so that my parents wont come rushing in.

"So," I whispered, grinning madly for no reason, beyond caring, "Why did you choose me?"

I never got to hear your answer. Maybe you managed to avoid it. Or maybe it was because my mind was too sleepy to comprehend. (I found out later that it was because I’m unique, very super duper fun to play with, not so serious and best of all pretty)

But I remembered wondering out loud; about where we stood, what were we together. I remembered agreeing to wait. I remembered agreeing to wait for each other. Two years sweetheart. Two years.

The time was 11.55pm when we made that pact

I remembered my last thoughts before dozing off:
"How long will we last?"
"Will I get heartbroken again?"
"Why am I smiling?"
"Oh gosh, he messed my brains up! I’m smiling for no freaking reason again!"

So now here I am, wondering if we'd last that long. It’s still too early to say, but there will come a day, when we'll snap at each other, when we'll have cold wars with each other. Would we be able to pull through? Would we be able to hang on? Would we be able to give and take? Or would I end up picking up the bits and pieces of my heart again? I guess I’ll never know. Not until 2011.

I’m counting the days down darling. Are you?

picture by : Royston Toh

My Personal Prince Charming

I met you

On that cold winter night

When we were on our way home

And tears were falling from my eyes

I met you

On the day

When all the snow had already melted

And the cherry blossoms were blooming

I met you

On the midsummer’s night

Where we had a bonfire

And romance was high and flying in the air

I met you

On a falling autumn breeze

When we all were drunk

Drinking sake, beer, Johnny Walker

I met you

On the street

Where the ice-cream man

Would stop every afternoon to sell ice cream

I met you

At the café

Where I had to dress-up

In an ugly uniform and serve unreasonable customers all day

I mat you

At the hawker

Where everyone was shouting

And everyone was eating, drinking, laughing

I met you

At the restaurant

Where celebrities dined

And famous people queued to get in

I met you

Everywhere under the sky

Where the world so vast

And when we walk right past each other

I met you

On a Cupid’s arrow

A chance met

A start of a beginning romance

I met you

Your hair turning grey

My eyes turning blind

And both our faces wrinkled

I met you

But, I wonder why

Did we never speak to each other

Picture by : Royston Toh

I am You

I looked up, blinking hard as the intense light glared into my eyes. Staring into her eyes, a sense of déjà vu crept into me. “Who are you?” I whispered breathlessly, wonder and astonishment slipped into my voice. Her smile, oh-so familiar, like I had seen it some place before. Lips, full and pale pink in colour. Her dark brown eyes gazed into mine. If you looked closer, you would have realized the gold flakes sprinkled in them.

“Have we met?” I murmured. Her laughter, tinkling like bells, resonated in the cool weather. Faint freckles dotted her cheeks, a blush spread across her face. She arched an eyebrow, “Don’t you know?” I shook my head, stunned, as my eyes tried to comprehend the magnificent vision before me. Awkwardly, I stood up and dusted bits of grass and dirt from my jeans. She grinned and giggled, a dainty shoulder shrugged gracefully, a lady-like shrug. Her hair wasn’t black like I thought it was. It was a dark, yet warm brown colour as the sun filtered through the thick strands. It lay untied, curled on her shoulders.

She wore a pastel yellow doll dress with tiny ginger-colored flowers dusted all over. I ran a trembling finger across her cheekbone. It felt cool under my fingertips. “I feel like I know you,” my voice barely audible. Her smile widen, eyes sparkled. Gracefully inclining her neck, she twirled and strolled elegantly away. I wanted to go after her, but instead, remained rooted to the spot.

*****

I saw her again. Her soft, brown hair tied up into a high ponytail, the color high in her cheeks. The beads of perspiration that dotted her brown made her glitter instead. She grinned at me as she carelessly brushed her fringe from her eyes. I gawked at her, unable to believe how one can still so paradisiacal despite have ran three rounds around the school. Her shirt was drenched and droplets of salty water plopped noisily onto the concrete ground.

“What is your name?” I begged her, “Please,” I whispered, desperation seeping into my voice. My breath shortened as I waited in anticipation or perhaps it was due to the dreaded sense of hopelessness which coursed through me.

She smiled sadly, her sorrow evident in her eyes, tearing at my heart. “You know me. You’ve just forgotten, that’s all.” Her russet eyes stared intently into mine, “Please, remember,” she pleaded, eyebrows drawn, face scrunched, as she turned and hurried away. Her hair danced around her pale oval face, her eyes held the mystery that I couldn’t solve. “No, don’t! Come back! Please!” I screamed in anguish. “I don’t. I don’t remember at all,” I choked, hot tears streaming down my cheeks. She was so beautiful, so perfect. Every part of her was made immaculately; she was faultless, amazingly incomparable. She was also a mystery. I know her and yet, I do not remember her. Was this some kind of test?

*****

I raised my head from the cool, porcelain sink and stared into her eyes once more. Warm ruby liquid spilt from the slash marks, on to the ceramic tiles, causing a continuous ‘tip-tap’ sound that echoed hollowly through the quiet cell. No one was about. Pleading quietly with my eyes, I stretched out a quivering finger to stroke her icy cheeks once more. “Please,” my mouth moved along, soundlessly, “I need to know.” She regarded me, pity palpable in those exquisite eyes I’ve grown accustomed to. A wave of dizziness swept through me, I felt my body go limp and sank to the floor. Just before everything went black, she murmured gently, wistfulness unmistakably etched in her voice, “I am YOU.”

picture by : Boris Vallejo