Knight In Shinning Amour

I wonder about a lot of things

Like if you could hear my silent screams

Like if you could see my broken heart bleeding

Like how every potime she cuts you

I’m bleeding.

I think about a lot of things

Like how I wished I could protect you from harm

Like how I wished I could stay by your side forever

Like how I’m happy

Just to be beside you

There’s nothing that can come out of this

You are always out of my reach

Smiling and dancing in front

Leaving me behind

I’m just happy

To be needed when you’re down

To be the one you come too

When you’re crying

I wish you wouldn’t smile so

Because I know you’re hurting

And it hurts me even more

To see the fake smile you’re wearing

Maybe if it were someone else

You could be happier

You wouldn’t be upset

You’ll never feel such pain

Because, sweetheart,

You’re the knight in shining amour

You should have a princess

And a happy-ever-after

So don’t pretend you’re fine

We both know you’re not

I won’t tell a soul

So just open up that lock

And let the tears fall, finally.

Hurt, Like Never Before

I saw the look on your face

You were so happy

I was laughing away

And i couldn't careless

I squealed

"I don't want you!"

"Then who,"

You asked, with a smile so trusting

Stuck on your face,

"Do you want?"

I smirked

And said the name you never thought you'd hear

That name

Which you once thought was better than yours

Your face fell

Like your world had just crashed

And I, finally knew,

How frightening it is

To hurt the person you love the most

But, before i could do anything,

You pushed me away

And said a single word

That made my world crash

"Fine."

Fallen In Love

I suppose we might have fallen in love,

Only if we were given the chance.

But, fearful of the possibilities,

We didn’t say a thing,

Afraid we’d break this fragile thing of a friendship.

We prance around each other,

Like a curious sword fight,

Unknowingly touching each other’s souls.

Like a magical play,

The revelry astounding.

In this agape,

There is no right or wrong,

Only a rendezvous under the blue moon tonight.

Together, our mask we release;

The paint chips off.

Beautiful as it seems, we daren’t hold it,

Worried it’ll shatter at our briefest touch.

This is our secret,

You and I,

As we hook our pinkies,

Promising promises that will never come true.

Quietly, we shut our wooden doors,

Our footsteps muffled by the soft carpet,

Echoes loudly into the night.

Our stifled laughter reverberates boomingly,

As approaching steps freezes our movements.

We laugh at your foolishness.

Breaths held and clammy hands clutched together,

We’re dancing on the edge of danger.

Adrenaline pouring down our backs,

Exhilaration refreshing our souls.

We don’t care.

Clumsy lips meeting in the dark,

Red faces are all the proof left.

Denying rumors of us en masses,

Our knowing smiles flashes across the tables.

Cocked eyebrows and secret whispers,

Cryptic remarks made in the midst of laughter.

We dance our mystery dance,

Ignoring the watchful eyes.

Dispelling the malicious stories,

We live in our own world;

A bubble you can’t pierce through.

Frustrated, you give up.

It’s our stained ball masquerade

Where you pirouette effortlessly.

Elegance, conspicuous all around us,

Charming the populace to release their inhibitions.

Together we watch from above,

As the waltz plays on,

We mock your imprudence.

Our clothes of diaphanousness,

You are unable to see through our lies.

We daub them with smiles and simpers,

As we pull you on a fool’s trip.

Beguiling you with sweets and enchantments,

You are duped.

With you, I am me.

With me, you are you.

Hand-in-hand we’ll face each day,

Unafraid of hell to pay.

We’ll keep fighting for what’s ours,

Don’t worry, we’re not letting go.

The Colour Red

“Mommy?”

“Hmm…?”

“What does red look like?”

I glanced up, wondering how on earth to explain something so simple.

“Mommy? Are you listening?” she asked again, my beautiful little girl. She stared up at me.

“Yes sweetheart,” I answered, “Well, remember the time when you accidentally spilt hot tea all over yourself?”

“Uh-huh…”

“That’s how it looks like,” I smiled.

“So it’s burning?”

“Uh-huh,” I ruffled her hair fondly.

“Oh…” her eyes thoughtful as she went back to brushing her doll’s hair.

I gazed at her, feeling a jabbing pain in my heart, wishing I could do more for her. I had always scorned my mother’s protectiveness. I always thought she was being over-protective and was constantly wincing at her actions. Now, I realized, it was something she couldn’t stop. It was there, whether she, herself, liked it or not. I realized that I was repeating her actions towards my daughter. The feeling of wanting to shield her from everything and just keep her within her happy little bubble was natural and I couldn't stop it. As I took in her perfect features once more, I felt an overwhelming sense of love welling up within me. She had her father’s straight, dark hair. Otherwise, she was a complete copy of me. Except for her eyes. Again, the feeling of my inability to do more filled me. Her eyes were a mysterious cloudy, grey color. You see, my sweet little baby was blind.

I recalled the very first time I saw her. My husband at my side as I screamed as the pain ripped through me. However, I knew it was worth it as I heard the cries of my baby for the very first time.

“Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Toh, you have a baby girl!” a relieved and tired doctor announced. Tears began to flow down my face, “Let me see her!” I held out my trembling hands as I impatiently waited for the nurse to wrap her up. She was covered in blood and was nothing more than a tiny thing, no bigger than a stuffed toy, all wrinkled. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I held her tight, whispering “I love you” over and over again in her ears.

Weeks past, we begin to notice something was terribly wrong. “Why hasn’t she opened her eyes doctor?” my own eyes wide with fear. My husband beside me held on to my hands, quietly giving me assurances, trying to calm himself at the same time.

The doctor cleared his throat nervously, “Well, I can’t say for sure but sometimes, certain babies tend to take slightly longer than normal to open their eyes. But I’m sure that there is nothing wrong with your child. She seems to be a rather active one, so she should be fine.”

He was right. She soon opened her eyes. But they were a wrong color.

We tried everything, from modern to traditional medicine, but there was no changing the fact that my child was blind. How and why, we’ll never know. However, she was still our perfect little baby.

“Mommy?” my child asked again.

“Hmm…?”

“What color is the sky?”

“It’s blue sweetheart.”

“Oh…” she thought about it for awhile, her brows drawn together, “What does blue look like mommy?”

I grinned. It would take a long time before this conversation would end. “Well sweetheart, remember the water you showered in…”

Walking

I used to glare

At people who said

"People who commit suicide are cowards"

I used to hate them very much

Because you see

I was once

One of those 'cowards'

And sometimes still am

I could never understand

How can someone

Stare at Death in his face

And still be a 'coward'

I’ve seen so many others

Cowering under him

So for us 'cowards'

How are we considered 'cowards'?

Until someone told me

"Dying is easy. Anyone could do it.

Living is a challenge. Only some complete it."

But I hated that person too

But those words

Kept ringing in my head

Echoing, going round

Refusing to stop

And I begin to notice

How death was really

The easy way out

It took away everything

And I begin to realize

How difficult living is

How battle-worn and scarred

I was becoming each day

And I finally understood

Why only some are

Able to complete

This trial 'living'

But I still

Do hate those who call

Suicides 'cowards'

Because not everyone can look in Death's face

I prefer another term

'Lost hope'

Because that's what they (and sometimes I)

Truly are

Be someone's candlelight, will you?

Happiness

“I like him. I really do,” I said, not daring to meet your eyes, “But he isn’t the one who will make me happy.”

“Isn’t happiness something you decide?” you smirked at me, “Just make yourself believe you’re happy, like you always do,” you said, so calmly, like it didn’t bother you.

I glanced up for a second, meeting your eyes, before letting my eyes dart away. I didn’t say a thing. How could I? You’ve already made up your mind and I should have known by now that this was nothing more than a fling. Still, the ache in my heart refused to stop hurting.

“What’s up? Why the sad face?” you studied my face. I shook my head. “I need to go,” I said, my voice cracking slightly. I untangled myself from your arms, suppressing a shiver from the sudden chill. I looked around the room, looking for my missing clothes.

You pushed yourself up on your elbows, your hair in disarray, causing you to looking even more arresting. “What’s wrong? You know you can tell me anything…” your voice trailed off, unsure of how to respond to my sudden coldness.

I ran a hand through my already bedraggled hair. “What if I can’t?!” I spun around, tears stinging my eyes. “What if I can never be happy with him? No matter how much I try to make myself believe it?” my heart was thumping furiously as I pulled on my clothes. How could you not understand? “What if you’re the only one who can make me happy? Then what?”

You stared up at me, stunned. “I…I…” your brows furrowed.

Frustrated, I grabbed my bag and walked out of the room, not even bothering to look back.

“Meina! Wait!”

“What for? I’m just wasting time here!” I cried out.

“I’m sorry,” your arms came around me and held me tightly. “I can’t. This is the best I can do. I thought you understood.”

“So did I,” my voice barely above a whisper, "So did I, Leo," I struggled out of your arms and run out the door, knowing but refusing to acknowledge that I would come back sooner or later anyway.

Smelling the Roses

The tea's gone cold now
Music has faded into the night
You feel its cooling breeze against your skin. Despite that,
You still feel the heat

I hear Josh Groban crooning
His voice melodious and soothing
I’m in a sanctuary you can't get in
I feel safe, finally

He imitates the acts of others
Failing to recognize the loss
He loses himself in the course
Forgetting who he was at the beginning

She takes off her masks
And lets her clothes fall
We watch her fall from grace
As we realize the ugliness between

You sing loudly and unrestrained
Making everyone cringe
Unknowingly they fall under your enchantment
Your sinister smile grows

I let go of your hand
And run free along the darkened skies
I smell the magic in the air
I feel amorous tonight

He guides us along a rocky road
Dancing and spinning all the way
As we struggle to keep up
He disappears into the moonless midnight

Her hands bloodied and sore
Still rhythmic and steadfast
She moves elegantly
Weaving her enchantment around us all

Your hands create exquistry
Magnifique screams out loudly
Finesses undeniable in your works
They stop for a second glance

I dance along the cliff's edge
Unafraid to fall into the chasm below
Knowing you'd be there to catch me
I smile and release my inhibitions

His hair like molten honey
Shines brightly in the twilight
We follow the mystical light
To reach this Adonis figure

Flawless she is
As she pirouettes majestically
Her cold blue eyes pierce your very soul
And only you see her cruelty within