'Tis Love That Speaks

Smile 

Giggle 

Laugh 

Over the moon 

It's inexplicable. 

Whisper 

Mutter

Sigh

Don't let them hear

It's magic working

A glance

A touch

A kiss

There's no return

It's funny how things are

Best friends

Lovers

Soul mates

Perfection completed

One tries too hard to please

Explosion

Detonation

Eruption

Amazingly sudden

Nodding off to a world that doesn't exist

Love

Passion

Ardor

Oxytocin unleashed

We knew not, better then to ask

Picture by: Royston Toh

I

I laugh 

I scream 

I shout 

 It’s overflowing 

It’s spilling over 

And I’m drowning in it 

 I dance 

I jump 

I skip 

 It’s uncontainable 

It’s uncontrollable 

And I’m caught it the midst 

 I fall 

I tumble 

I plunge 

 It’s bottomless 

It’s never-ending 

And I never want it to 

I whirl 

I spin 

I swirl 

 It’s dizzy 

It’s silly 

And I don’t really care

I jump 

I soar 

I leap 

It’s magnificent 

It’s wondrous 

And I’m soaking it up 

I fly 

I flutter 

I take off 

And you can’t stop me 

No one can

Picture by: Royston Toh

Love

It had always been just mummy and I. Daddy had long left mummy for another woman. I did not really understood until I grew older. Mummy shouldered everything on. Single-handedly, she raised me while she struggled to make ends meet. Bills and school fees were all paid by mummy. Daddy had refused to pay for child support and mummy did not want to fight for it. When I asked her why, she said, “It would have been to hard.” For whom, I did not know.

I remembered that day well. It was my 12th birthday, the eighth one without daddy. Mummy and I had planned to go to the zoo. We always planned to go to the zoo on my birthdays. I had wanted to be a zoologist when I grew up, so every year on my birthday, mummy would take me to the zoo to visit the animals. I was never bored, no matter how many times mummy took me there.

It was a day like any other. The sun had been shinning brightly, till the moment when we begin to leave the house. A low rumble of thunder made us stare stunned, at the sky. Surely enough, dark clouds gathered and in the distance lightning flashed. “No!” I wailed, “No! Not today!”

 “I’m sorry honey, looks like we have to change our plans,” my mother said gently. I shook my head, tears forming in my eyes. I had looked forward to today all week! How could the gods do this to me? I thought furiously. My mother couldn’t dissuade me. Her shoulders slumped. She was a proficient driver, but she hated driving in the rain. Whenever it rained, she would take the bus to work instead. She said that she did not trust the slippery roads. Without another word, she smiled at me and told me to put on my shoes. She should have been firmer that day.

As soon as we reached the highway, it started pouring cats and dogs. Mummy gripped the steering wheel tightly as she slowly navigated through the traffic. There was a jam, and cars were barely moving. I could barely see through the windshield as the rain poured down on us. The traffic watch on the radio warned of slow moving traffic and said to drive carefully as many accidents had already occurred. I was too excited to care. “Hurry, mummy!” I wriggled in my sit, unable to keep still.

 “Hush, sweetheart, mummy needs to concentrate,” she murmured to me. The words were barely out of her mouth, when we heard a squeal of wheels. Everything happened so quickly. I could barely register what was going on when I heard a loud bang and felt myself being thrown to the side. Everything went black then.

I roused to the wail of sirens and something bright shinning straight into my eyes. Someone was screaming my name. It hurt everywhere. “CAN YOU HEAR ME?” a loud booming voice shot straight into my ear.

 “Mummy?” I mumbled, my throat dry and my voice barely audible. My mouth ached on forming the words. “This one’s fine! Take her!” I felt myself being lifted and collapsed into the welcoming darkness again.

I was conscious. Yet, I did not want to wake up. I heard voices surrounding me, whispered words, carefully spoken. They thought I was still asleep. The voices said I was a “poor thing” and that my mother had died protecting me. It did not make sense. Mummy was still here, was she? This was a dream right? My eyes flew open. “Mummy,” my voice croaked. The owners of the voices jumped. It was two nurses. One of them went running for the doctor.

After I woke, I learnt what had happened. My mother did not break any law. She was driving carefully. The other driver, however, was speeding. He had been late for a meeting. With the heavy rain, and slippery roads, he had seen us too late and went crashing into us. My mother had seen him coming in time and released her safety belt. She had used her body as a shield to protect me. She gave up her life for mine.

There were many things to do afterwards. Daddy did not want me. Why would he? He never cared for me then, why would he start now? He left me in the hands of mummy’s lawyer, who was very kind. He helped me to find a children’s home to stay in, and settled all the payments and fees. He even made daddy pay up years worth of child support fees. He told me that this was to pay for my education, while mummy’s money would be used to pay for my livelihood. I did not have to worry. He never took a cent for everything he did either. The driver, who had crashed into us, visits me every now and then after his jail term. He is truly sorry for what he had done and tries to make up for his mistakes. Now, every year, instead of mummy, he takes me to the zoo instead.

Mummy’s love for me was passed on to many people. Especially the lawyer who took nothing in return for his help and the driver who is trying to make up for his mistakes. Mummy’s love has also passed on to me. Although some days I wished I had not been so stubborn to insist on going out that day, I still try my best to live on. I still want to be a zoologist when I grow up. However, I also want to be someone who would make my mummy proud.

Knight In Shinning Amour

I wonder about a lot of things

Like if you could hear my silent screams

Like if you could see my broken heart bleeding

Like how every potime she cuts you

I’m bleeding.

I think about a lot of things

Like how I wished I could protect you from harm

Like how I wished I could stay by your side forever

Like how I’m happy

Just to be beside you

There’s nothing that can come out of this

You are always out of my reach

Smiling and dancing in front

Leaving me behind

I’m just happy

To be needed when you’re down

To be the one you come too

When you’re crying

I wish you wouldn’t smile so

Because I know you’re hurting

And it hurts me even more

To see the fake smile you’re wearing

Maybe if it were someone else

You could be happier

You wouldn’t be upset

You’ll never feel such pain

Because, sweetheart,

You’re the knight in shining amour

You should have a princess

And a happy-ever-after

So don’t pretend you’re fine

We both know you’re not

I won’t tell a soul

So just open up that lock

And let the tears fall, finally.

Hurt, Like Never Before

-->

I saw the look on your face

You were so happy

I was laughing away

And i couldn't careless

I squealed

"I don't want you!"

"Then who,"

You asked, with a smile so trusting

Stuck on your face,

"Do you want?"

I smirked

And said the name you never thought you'd hear

That name

Which you once thought was better than yours

Your face fell

Like your world had just crashed

And I, finally knew,

How frightening it is

To hurt the person you love the most

But, before I could do anything,

You pushed me away

And said a single word

That made my world crash

"Fine."

Fallen In Love

I suppose we might have fallen in love,

Only if we were given the chance.

But, fearful of the possibilities,

We didn’t say a thing,

Afraid we’d break this fragile thing of a friendship.

We prance around each other,

Like a curious sword fight,

Unknowingly touching each other’s souls.

Like a magical play,

The revelry astounding.

In this agape,

There is no right or wrong,

Only a rendezvous under the blue moon tonight.

Together, our mask we release;

The paint chips off.

Beautiful as it seems, we daren’t hold it,

Worried it’ll shatter at our briefest touch.

This is our secret,

You and I,

As we hook our pinkies,

Promising promises that will never come true.

Quietly, we shut our wooden doors,

Our footsteps muffled by the soft carpet,

Echoes loudly into the night.

Our stifled laughter reverberates boomingly,

As approaching steps freezes our movements.

We laugh at your foolishness.

Breaths held and clammy hands clutched together,

We’re dancing on the edge of danger.

Adrenaline pouring down our backs,

Exhilaration refreshing our souls.

We don’t care.

Clumsy lips meeting in the dark,

Red faces are all the proof left.

Denying rumors of us en masses,

Our knowing smiles flashes across the tables.

Cocked eyebrows and secret whispers,

Cryptic remarks made in the midst of laughter.

We dance our mystery dance,

Ignoring the watchful eyes.

Dispelling the malicious stories,

We live in our own world;

A bubble you can’t pierce through.

Frustrated, you give up.

It’s our stained ball masquerade

Where you pirouette effortlessly.

Elegance, conspicuous all around us,

Charming the populace to release their inhibitions.

Together we watch from above,

As the waltz plays on,

We mock your imprudence.

Our clothes of diaphanousness,

You are unable to see through our lies.

We daub them with smiles and simpers,

As we pull you on a fool’s trip.

Beguiling you with sweets and enchantments,

You are duped.

With you, I am me.

With me, you are you.

Hand-in-hand we’ll face each day,

Unafraid of hell to pay.

We’ll keep fighting for what’s ours,

Don’t worry, we’re not letting go.

The Colour Red

“Mommy?”

“Hmm…?”

“What does red look like?”

I glanced up, wondering how on earth to explain something so simple.

“Mommy? Are you listening?” she asked again, my beautiful little girl. She stared up at me.

“Yes sweetheart,” I answered, “Well, remember the time when you accidentally spilt hot tea all over yourself?”

“Uh-huh…”

“That’s how it looks like,” I smiled.

“So it’s burning?”

“Uh-huh,” I ruffled her hair fondly.

“Oh…” her eyes thoughtful as she went back to brushing her doll’s hair.

I gazed at her, feeling a jabbing pain in my heart, wishing I could do more for her. I had always scorned my mother’s protectiveness. I always thought she was being over-protective and was constantly wincing at her actions. Now, I realized, it was something she couldn’t stop. It was there, whether she, herself, liked it or not. I realized that I was repeating her actions towards my daughter. The feeling of wanting to shield her from everything and just keep her within her happy little bubble was natural and I couldn't stop it. As I took in her perfect features once more, I felt an overwhelming sense of love welling up within me. She had her father’s straight, dark hair. Otherwise, she was a complete copy of me. Except for her eyes. Again, the feeling of my inability to do more filled me. Her eyes were a mysterious cloudy, grey color. You see, my sweet little baby was blind.

I recalled the very first time I saw her. My husband at my side as I screamed as the pain ripped through me. However, I knew it was worth it as I heard the cries of my baby for the very first time.

“Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Toh, you have a baby girl!” a relieved and tired doctor announced. Tears began to flow down my face, “Let me see her!” I held out my trembling hands as I impatiently waited for the nurse to wrap her up. She was covered in blood and was nothing more than a tiny thing, no bigger than a stuffed toy, all wrinkled. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I held her tight, whispering “I love you” over and over again in her ears.

Weeks past, we begin to notice something was terribly wrong. “Why hasn’t she opened her eyes doctor?” my own eyes wide with fear. My husband beside me held on to my hands, quietly giving me assurances, trying to calm himself at the same time.

The doctor cleared his throat nervously, “Well, I can’t say for sure but sometimes, certain babies tend to take slightly longer than normal to open their eyes. But I’m sure that there is nothing wrong with your child. She seems to be a rather active one, so she should be fine.”

He was right. She soon opened her eyes. But they were a wrong color.

We tried everything, from modern to traditional medicine, but there was no changing the fact that my child was blind. How and why, we’ll never know. However, she was still our perfect little baby.

“Mommy?” my child asked again.

“Hmm…?”

“What color is the sky?”

“It’s blue sweetheart.”

“Oh…” she thought about it for awhile, her brows drawn together, “What does blue look like mommy?”

I grinned. It would take a long time before this conversation would end. “Well sweetheart, remember the water you showered in…”